This past year, it has weighed heavy on my heart to make things right with various people. If I had hurt them or said unkind things in haste – then I needed to apologize. In reality, there was simply no excuse for not being nice and for saying unkind words.
Though I can never erase those moments from history – taking my own blame in arguments was important. How can I teach my children to be nice if I’m not being that example?
Even if it has been an impatient moment on the phone when I’m running behind on preparing dinner, the kids are fighting and nothing is going quite right – I’ve felt it necessary to make amends.
In fear and humility, I’ve reached out and apologized for the cutting words.
Unfortunately, not everyone will take an apology as an end to the argument and the beginning of peace. They’ll perhaps use it to re-open wounds or again grasp for some type of control. We can’t let ourselves be bothered by an abusive and destructive personality such as that.
When I think of a bully – my mind is thrust into the memories of junior high and those who were bullied by their peers. Unfortunately, there are many adult bullies. I’ve experienced them while coaching Little League. I’ve experienced them online. They come in many disguises. Usually their motives are driven from insecurity and a fear of not having some type of control.
I find the life they lead to be very sad. The constant need to calculate every situation and push it to their advantage must be very exhausting. Not being able to truly enjoy the moment is a great loss in their life. I wonder how many of the adult bullies became that way after being bullied or manipulated as a child. If someone is constantly attacking the intelligence of others – was their own intelligence mocked? Are they projecting their own insecurities onto others as a way of coping and dealing with themselves?
As difficult as it can be for me to want to understand why they behave that way and give them grace – I’m finding that I should. Does this mean that I feel the need to be around them? No, that could be very destructive. However, grace and compassion are good.
And in the same thought - if someone has apologized to me, I find it necessary to accept it. Again, it doesn't mean I need to make them a best friend or a part of my daily life. Yet, I should forgive and accept.
"And of some have compassion, making a difference."