Yesterday, I caught myself bouncing in the driver's seat of the car as I was driving down the road. You know... when you're bouncing a little to the music playing on the radio.
Who cares? Right?
Well, it has significance in my life.
A few years ago, my sister mentioned to me that I didn't bounce in my car anymore. It was a comment that compared my current state as someone who had recently gone through severe postpartum depression with the highly energetic and happy person I was in high school. When she said it, it made me sad. I wanted to bounce again. I wanted to be that happy again. Yet nothing seemed worth bouncing over.
In high school, I loved everything. All the world around me made me happy. There was absolutely nothing to truly be down about. The world was not a scary or horrifying place. So why not bounce to the music as I happily drove down the road.
That's what I did. All. The. Time.
It must have been something that stuck out to my sister. Otherwise, she wouldn't have mentioned it years later.
I spent the next several years thinking on her comment. It would come to mind and I would wonder if I could ever happily bounce to joyful music once again.
That happiness from high school seemed so far removed from who I had become.
I went from a happy carefree high school student to eventually becoming a cynical college student... and then a new mother dealing with postpartum depression.
Bouncing did not appear to be anywhere in the future.
Quite frankly, I couldn't sing London Bridge is Falling Down or Ring Around the Rosie without the darkness of those songs hitting me hard.
But yesterday - I realized another step in the long journey to truly be past postpartum depression. I was bouncing to the music while driving down the road. The kids and I were singing and having a great time.
Every time I think that I am fully beyond it - I cross another stone that reminds me just how hard it is to come back from the darkness of PPD.
I am so grateful and thankful for the blessing of getting past postpartum one step at a time!
I am thankful for a sister who reminded me to bounce.
I am thankful for children who sang and bounced right along with me - reminding me of the sweetly pure and simple enjoyments to be had in life.